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Good Dog, Good Manners: Modern Dog Etiquette for a Happier Life Together
Dogs have become an increasingly important part of our everyday lives.
They accompany us to cafés, travel with us, visit friends’ homes and sometimes even join us at work. For many of us, a dog isn’t simply a pet but a much-loved member of the family.
But with that greater inclusion comes an interesting question: what constitutes good manners for the modern dog?
There has been an interesting evolution in dog training. Traditional obedience, teaching a dog to sit, stay, heel and come, remains important, particularly for safety. But contemporary thinking places increasing emphasis on everyday manners, calm behaviour and teaching dogs how to live successfully alongside people.
As an etiquette consultant, I find the distinction fascinating.
Because good manners, whether we’re talking about people or Pomeranians, have never really been about blind obedience.
They’re about consideration.
What is the difference between dog obedience and dog manners?
An obedient dog may know how to sit on command.
A well-mannered dog learns that when a visitor arrives, sitting calmly rather than launching itself enthusiastically at the visitor is the behaviour we would like.
This reflects the contemporary emphasis on reward-based dog training. Rather than concentrating solely on stopping unwanted behaviour, we teach and reinforce the behaviour we actually want.
And that raises some wonderfully modern etiquette dilemmas.
1. Is it bad manners for a dog to jump on visitors?
We’ve probably all encountered the enthusiastic dog who greets a visitor with two paws firmly planted on their clothes.
The inevitable response from the owner is, “Don’t worry, he’s friendly!”
I’m sure he is.
But friendliness isn’t really the issue.
Your guest may be frightened of dogs, wearing beautiful clothes, unsteady on their feet or simply not want a dog jumping on them.
The modern training approach is not necessarily to punish the dog for jumping, but to teach an alternative greeting, perhaps sitting or keeping four paws on the floor.
The etiquette principle is wonderfully simple: being friendly doesn’t automatically make a behaviour polite.
2. What about dogs that bark whenever somebody comes to the door?
Barking is natural communication for a dog. We shouldn’t expect dogs never to bark.
But there is a difference between alerting us to someone’s arrival and barking continuously while a guest attempts to enter the house and have a conversation.
Owners can become so accustomed to their own dog’s barking that they cease to notice how intimidating or disruptive it may be to somebody else.
The objective isn’t necessarily silence.
It is teaching the dog that, having alerted us, it can now settle.
3. Do we excuse bad manners because a dog is small?
I must declare an interest here.
I have a Pomeranian called Amélie who is, needless to say, beautifully mannered.
But having a small dog myself makes me particularly interested in what I call the Small-Dog Exemption.
A tiny dog barks furiously at someone’s ankles and we laugh. It jumps repeatedly onto a visitor and we scoop it up. It growls from someone’s lap and we call it “bossy”.
Now imagine precisely the same behaviour from a 35-kilogram dog.
Why should the rules change because the dog is small enough to pick up?
Size certainly changes the potential physical consequences of a dog’s behaviour, but it doesn’t automatically make that behaviour polite.
As I like to say, good manners are not measured in kilograms.
4. What are good dog manners at a café?
Dog-friendly cafés have created an entirely new category of modern etiquette.
A café may welcome dogs, but that doesn’t mean every other customer has agreed to interact with yours.
A well-mannered café dog should ideally be able to settle beside its owner without wandering underneath neighbouring tables, investigating handbags or creating a trip hazard with its lead.
The same principle applies to us.
Our enjoyment of a shared public space shouldn’t unnecessarily interfere with somebody else’s enjoyment of it.
5. Can you bring your dog when invited to someone’s home?
An invitation to you is not automatically an invitation to your dog.
Even if your host adores your dog, there may be another animal in the house, a nervous child, an elderly relative or simply circumstances that make a canine visitor inconvenient.
There is a wonderfully easy solution:
“Would you mind if I brought Amélie?”
And here’s the important part: the host must be allowed to say no without feeling guilty or having to provide an elaborate explanation.
Good etiquette means asking rather than assuming.
6. Should you ask before patting somebody else’s dog?
Absolutely.
Dog etiquette works both ways.
Owners shouldn’t assume everybody wants their dog approaching them, but equally, strangers shouldn’t assume every dog wants to be touched.
“May I say hello to your dog?” is all that’s required.
This is particularly valuable to teach children. Asking before approaching an unfamiliar animal is both courteous and sensible.
Respect for personal space applies at both ends of the lead.
7. What about dogs begging at the dinner table?
You’re enjoying dinner in someone’s home when you suddenly become aware of two enormous eyes watching every movement of your fork.
Then comes the paw on your knee.
Perhaps a little whimper.
Guests shouldn’t have to defend their dinner from the family dog.
But there’s an equally important rule for guests: never feed somebody else’s dog without permission. The animal may have dietary restrictions or there may simply be household rules you should respect.
The responsibility is mutual. Owners manage their dogs and guests respect the owner’s boundaries.
8. How do you politely deal with somebody else’s badly behaved dog?
This is perhaps the trickiest dilemma.
If somebody else’s dog is jumping on you, barking continuously or repeatedly approaching your table, you are entitled to say something.
But good manners don’t require a diagnosis of either the dog or its owner.
Simply address the practical problem.
“Would you mind keeping him down? I’m not terribly comfortable when dogs jump.”
It’s specific, courteous and non-judgemental.
And if someone makes a similar request about our own dog, we shouldn’t take offence.
Loving our dogs doesn’t require everybody else to love everything they do.
Five questions to ask about modern dog manners
When thinking about our own dogs, perhaps these five questions are useful:
- Can my dog greet another person without overwhelming them?
- Can my dog settle when we’re in a shared public space?
- Do I assume other people are as comfortable with my dog as I am?
- Am I teaching the behaviour I want rather than simply reacting to behaviour I dislike?
- Does my dog’s behaviour demonstrate consideration for the people and animals around us?
The fifth question is perhaps the most important.
Good dog manners begin with us
Dogs don’t understand etiquette in the human sense.
Amélie doesn’t wake each morning contemplating whether her behaviour is sufficiently considerate of other members of society.
We bring dogs into a human environment, so it is our responsibility to teach them what we expect.
And perhaps contemporary dog manners contain a lesson for humans as well.
Good manners aren’t merely about following rules. They are about recognising that we share our world with others and modifying our behaviour accordingly.
So perhaps the best-mannered dog isn’t necessarily the most obedient.
It is the dog that has been patiently and consistently taught how to live comfortably in our human world.
And behind that beautifully mannered dog, there is usually a rather well-mannered human at the other end of the lead.
Good manners, after all, are not measured in kilograms.
Key Takeaways
Modern dog manners are about calm, considerate behaviour rather than obedience for obedience’s sake.
Rewarding the behaviour we want can be more constructive than continually concentrating on what the dog is doing wrong.
A dog’s size shouldn’t determine the standard of behaviour we expect.
Dog-friendly doesn’t mean everybody must interact with your dog.
Always ask before bringing your dog to somebody’s home or approaching somebody else’s dog.
Above all, responsibility for a dog’s manners rests with the human who has chosen to bring that dog into our shared social world.
Discover More About Modern Manners
At The Percy Institute, I believe etiquette isn’t about outdated rules. It’s about confidence, kindness, respect and consideration for others.
Whether we’re dining with friends, meeting someone for the first time, communicating in the workplace or even taking our four-legged companions out into the world, those principles remain remarkably consistent.
Explore my contemporary etiquette programmes and The Art of an Elegant Life Masterclass through The Percy Institute
The Percy Institute
For upcoming events, courses, masterclasses and more information about modern manners and elegant living, visit: https://thepercyinstitute.com
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